The stories we love most live with us forever. I heard those words from J.K. Rowling when talking about the Harry Potter films.
This got me thinking about something Loddy Micucci has been saying to me. He enjoys reading my article’s where I show an expression of my true feelings and he wants to feel my pain and understand the emotions I went through during my darkest times.
My life has moved on in leaps and bounds, those days are nothing but a distant memory. It feels as thought it was another lifetime and when I try to recount both the events and how it all felt I find that much of it has been buried so deep its really hard to remember much at all. After all it was a long time ago.
That’s strange in itself because when it was all happening you feel as though its going to scar you for life. You are sure that life will never be able to fully recover and your future is pretty much over. Yet here am I some 5 years later and its virtually all forgotten and life has moved on and found me in my ‘happy place.’
I can distinctly remember the day I left my home. The day the bailiffs came in to repossess my beautiful home.
I can see a vivid picture of me sitting down in my music room. This had been my place to relax, get away from work and just listen to music. My furniture and sound system had already been packed and was on the way to storage. The rain was lashing down on the glass roof. We had just spent hours trying to sort everything out in the garages filling more boxes to go off to storage. Is this what all my effort and hard work had led to, every one of my worldly possessions being placed in boxes and stored away for god knows how long?
So many successes and happy times yet it all has led to nothing. My capital built up over a lifetime of hard work together with my incredible house had now all been stripped away. I was looking around seeing just my walls, light fittings, parquet flooring and fireplace in my lounge. All the paintings down and the ornaments removed. Our home was gone and now we leave a house behind.
Could I rebuild things to once again own somewhere like this or would I just settle for less, far less? I couldn’t answer this I felt empty. For the first time in my life I felt like a failure. I’d put my trust in others and my wife and children had put there trust in me and I’d let them down. Completely guilt overcame me at this point. I’d taken my children out of school and moved them 400 miles away from friends and family, and now I’d be lost their home, and had to take them out of their private schools. I was decimated. To let my family down was the worst thing any man could do. Even though we had been betrayed and I had done everything in my power to make our situation work for us I had failed to do so. I was responsible for moving my family here, it was my decision and therefore my responsibility for what had happened.
I wanted to scream but I wouldn’t let anyone feel my pain. I had to stay strong because that’s what would be expected.
When the time came to leave our home, turn the key in the door and get out I stole a glance to my right at the pool but I wouldn’t look back what was gone was gone, only the future matters . Unfortunately it took 12 months for me to practice what I preach. But from there I learnt so much and can look back to what is now just a distant memory, after all it was a long time ago.