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What I Have Learnt At The Bedside Of My Mother

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What I have learnt at the bedside of my mother while she lies in her hospital bed fighting for her survival demonstrates to me the importance of me bringing this never give up philosophy to the world in my own way.

She has been at the RVI Hospital for some two weeks now. She was brought in late on the Saturday afternoon. Our family had been celebrating the 1st year of my granddaughters life and had all returned to our homes. My mother had been unable to go because she’d not been well recently. In fact she had been virtually sleeping day by day with very little time being awake. She would every now again wake, say a few words and then drop back into her sleeping state. But this time when the carers came over nothing seemed to wake her. The doctors were called, and an ambulance immediately arranged.

Since then she has just been sleeping throughout her stay in hospital. The doctors have discovered that she is suffering from a severe water infection, and her blood sugars were very high. They have been doing everything they can to help her, yet she just didn’t seem to be able to raise herself from her slumber. Every now and again she was able to say a few words and normally it was in response to my two daughters and granddaughter.

On Monday I went in to do the 2-4 visiting hours with my youngest daughter Carly. We were standing by her bedside when 2 doctors came over, started doing a few tests and asked if they could speak to us. They then led us to a private room and invited us to sit down. One of the doctors was a lovely compassionate woman. She was the main consultant for the department my mum was in. She explained to us that there were now more complications. Firstly my mum had contracted a chest infection which had developed into pneumonia. Also she had suffered from a stroke over night and now her face and one arm had been immobilised. They has been battling this water infection that had kept my mum very low, and being 83 years old her body just couldn’t cope. So things weren’t looking good. She then told us that they were removing the limits on visiting hours and her family would be able to now be by her side 24/7 and they’d be moving her from the ward and putting her in a private room. She then said that the doctors had made the decision that if her heart stopped they would not be resuscitating her and then went on to tell us about the Liverpool Care Pathway for a dying patient that they would use for my mum. The doctor really struggled through telling us all this but said we had to expect the worst.

We left the room shell shocked returned to my mum’s bedside, both kissing her and telling her how much we loved her. Then we both looked at each other and I said we best go outside and call the rest of our family. On the way downstairs we both agreed between the chocking and tears that we couldn’t tell them what has been said over the phone instead tell them that we needed them over at the hospital to have a family talk.

So about 45 minutes later we were all sitting around a table in the café. There was my sister, dad, both daughters and granddaughter. I then attempted to tell them what we had been told. I really struggled, the emotions getting the better of me, there were many pauses. My daughter Carly was magnificent, helping me when I had to stop to keep back my tears. But eventually we managed to get through the details, and we were all in a very down state trying to deal with the situation my mum was in.

Well let me move forward 3 days. My mum’s sister Marlene had come up to be by the bedside of my mum. She talked to her non stop. It was beautiful to listen to. Hearing her reminisce about the old times between her and my mum. She sat there holding my mum’s hand just trying to remind my mum of their life together in an attempt to get some reaction, but none came.

Then a short time later, my eldest daughter Laura Jayne brought in my granddaughter Amelia-Mae to say her goodbyes. And my mum for the first time in a few days said a few words, and then a few more.

Two days later my mum had made enough of a recovery to be moved to the Stroke Ward, and the doctors scratching their head saying there is a little unexpected improvement, they are simply amazed. They just don’t know my mum, a fighter, my shining light that taught me the philosophy of never give up. She will fight on till the end like she has done throughout her life and she will go when she’s ready.

We can’t get to excited because my mum is seriously ill but we can be extremely proud of how strong and stubborn she is. There are no guarantees that just as quickly as we’ve seen an improvement, we may see a decline. But what we do know it’s in my mum’s hands, only she now knows what she wants to happen.
Sitting here at her bedside has given me a lot of time for reflection and thought. I have come to understand even more about what the never give up teachings involve.

1. Never Lose Hope

Always believe there is a chance. Deep within my mother is the will to fight on. She has hope in her heart . Seeing her fighting has encouraged us all and made sure we never lose hope. We stand together believing what is meant to be will be. We could never lose hope in my mother and she would never forgive us if we did. So where ever life finds you make sure you never lose hope, and believe your dreams are possible.

2. The Power of our Subconscious

Every now and again words leave my mums lips. There is no doubt that her subconscious is at work. She can’t communicate and seems to be permanently asleep. The power of her subconscious is at work within her. We all have thoughts hidden in our mind that don’t actually register with us fully, but although we don’t know we’re having them, they’re working for us. Right now the workings of my mum’s inner mind are fighting for her, and we must never forget to look for the signals and messages they give us throughout all our fights in life. Our strengths are deep within us, so learn to use them.

3. Always have a goal in mind

There must always be something that you hanker for, that you desperately want, that the dream of achieving it makes life worth living for. I believe for my mum it is to see the development of my 2 daughters and grandchildren, and most particularly right now I think my mum wants to be here for Carly’s birthday and the Christmas get together. Something must be working in the background keeping her going, because it is a miracle. Your dreams and visions can bring about miracles for you, so bring them in to the forefront of your mind and let them bring about a transformation in your life.

4. You must always surround yourself with the right people

My mum has been surrounded by those that love her. Myself, my sister, her two granddaughter, her great granddaughter, her husband, Rachel and Denise. Also her sister was here supporting her and giving love. In addition an incredible team of doctors and nurses have been around her. This is crucial to your success and happiness, surrounding yourself with the right positive team. We need to be surrounded by the right people to provide us with necessary encouragement and support we all need.

5. A Never Give Up Attitude

My mum is fighting like a warrior and wouldn’t consider giving up. When it’s her time to go then she will, but if there’s any chance of carrying on she will. So far she’s fought tooth and nail to get through her troubled times, Her persistence and inner strength, courage and determination, make her refuse to quit and allow herself to pass on. She shows the character we all need to take into our life’s journey.

6. Never surrender

No matter what obstacles you meet, difficulties you face you must make the choices and decisions that will get you through. If you surrender to what comes your way during difficult times you will never get off your feet. It might be really tough now, but it can all instantly change. If you keep going at it you never know when you’ll hit a breakthrough. So giving up is crazy, so never surrender, fight on always.

7. The Power of Love

I have no doubts that the love that resonates around the room while my mum fights to live on is helping everyone. Without this love, the bond, connection between each other we would all be swept away by our sadness and emotions. We are helping each other get through this, and I’m sure the love is getting through to my mum. Love is the most powerful medicine that we all need to make our lives complete. So when you’ve got it, never let it go and allow your life to be empowered. My mum has it in bucketful’s

8. Everything Is Possible

Nothing is impossible, my mum was expected to give up her fight the beginning of last week but she fights on. Nobody told her that it was her time to go, so she’s here struggling to wake up but breathing and living. We are never beaten unless we allow ourselves to be. So know deep inside that everything is possible and demonstrate this through the actions you take.

9. Be Strong Like Oak

We are each stronger than we know. Nothing can stop us if we don’t allow it to. You are alive, so make sure you never give up. At times, when things are at their very worse you think to yourself that you can’t handle the pressure. You have to persist and know you can.

Just know anything is possible. All these things can help you now. Don’t wait till you’re fighting for your life or survival. Bring them into your life now. Use the strength of all these things to make your life brilliant. So no matter where life finds you now, or how difficult things may be know you can come through it.

Fight on Mum!


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About the author: Larry Lewis
I'm Larry. As an Executive Life Coach, entrepreneur and writer, I am an unshakable optimist dedicated to helping you become the person you most want to be. I am devoted to sharing ideas, tools and resources that will help you create a better, stress free, well balanced life.
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