Why do we hold in our pain? Some may because of embarrassment, others down to personal pride. The pain I’m talking about is the one that you feel when things just don’t go well, perhaps a venture you set out on that not only doesn’t go to plan but ends up in complete failure.
I remember as though it was only yesterday throwing our goodbye party prior to moving my family up to the north east of England. It felt such an exciting time. All the hard work I’d put in over many years had culminated in me landing a highly paid job and in addition ownership of 3 gyms due to open within the next 3 months. Contracts were soon to be exchanged on our beautiful new home and the kids couldn’t wait to swim in the indoor pool for the 1st time.
All are friends though of course sorry to see us go were also happy that we were doing so well. Off we were heading to a wonderful lifestyle and the dreams of our loving families new life together.
Things didn’t work out the way we had hoped for. Twelve years later my marriage is over, and that was the culmination of many struggles and failures that you will find in ‘my story’.
I struggled through and probably suffered for longer than I should. I lost my way. I threw myself into trying to save a dying business and that was an 18 hour a day job. A pretty pointless exercise but my mind was in a way shut down and didn’t look to see what would be the right thing to do.
I didn’t talk to anyone either. I cut myself totally off. I didn’t want to hear in people’s voice the pity they may feel or see their reactions when meeting with them. I stopped making phone calls and refused to answer any incoming calls. I became a bit of a recluse. I broke contact with everybody.
This was probably the worst thing I could have done. It meant I had to bottle all my thoughts and feelings up inside of me. This meant I couldn’t get things out. I gave myself no opportunity to clear away the debris that was blinkering my mind or share the pain I felt so as to enable me to find the support and advice of others.
With my thinking virtually on hold I needed someone to wake me up to what I was doing but as I wouldn’t let anyone near me I stopped this from being able to happen. Probably the biggest mistake I made throughout.
I used to go to work every day and whenever someone would ask me how I was doing , I would always answer that I was ok, good, fine. And no one really questioned it.
We humans need interaction with others particularly in times of trouble. By giving ourselves the opportunity to share the pain we feel, gives us the chance of being woken up by the thoughts and views of others. I know now that I wish I had allowed myself to share the pain and found my way forward much quicker.
Silence is our enemy. You hide your feelings, emotions and the trauma you’ve experienced. Nobody knows the full truth. Yet the truth wants to be told. Keeping the truth locked up inside you makes things worse. To some extent, you can shorten the process of recovery based on your willingness to talk with others.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help from those close to you when you need it. Find someone with whom to talk. You have to be willing to ask for help.
When you share your pain with someone else, you stop hiding from both the truth and your pain. You start to heal yourself and to rebuild your world.
My plans now are to create some type of community where people struggling in life have somewhere to go and share the pain and receive support from someone like me not just as a successful entrepreneur or qualified life coach but probably more importantly someone who has experienced life’s biggest struggles and managed to get through them.
I’d love to receive some feedback of whether you would find this of use.
I’d like to share the lyrics of a song that very aptly covers my message today by the Youngbloods called Beautiful.
Say what you will, say what you feel
Feeling inside, yeah, say what you will
Show me what’s hiding behind your eyes
Don’t keep ’em feelings locked up inside
Tear down your wall, don’t let ’em hide you
Reach out your pain, can’t you understand
You’re beautiful
Do what you will
Pay no attention to the small mind, oh no, no
Do what you will
Or laugh at convention, it’s not a crime, no, no, no, no
Open your eyes and look around you
Lovers everywhere, they surround you
Reach out your pain, can’t you understand
You’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful now
You’re so beautiful, oh, do you, do you feel it
Beautiful, beautiful, now, I sure hope you feel it
Come on now, say what you will
Say what your feelin’, feelin’ inside
Come on and say what you will
Show me what’s hiding behind your eyes, girl
Don’t keep ’em feelings locked up inside you
Tear down your wall, don’t let ’em hide you
Reach out your pain, can’t you understand
You’re beautiful, beautiful, beautiful now
So beautiful, beautiful, do you feel it now?
